No matter how many arms wrap lovingly around me I still feel alone.
All last week my face hurt
Not from smiling
From stress
From worry
Anxiety
Loneliness
The ever predators
I know I am loved
I have been blessed with many wonderful friends and family members
Everything seems to be going so well....
A good job
Loving husband
A house
The cat
All the things I dreamed of
So what is this terror?
I seem to stand always on the brink
The feeders in the shadows slip under my doorframe
Sucking at my happiness
The image in the mirror
Taunting
Mocking
Waiting
For me to fail
To fall
For all of it to disappear
For me to wake up and be that scared little girl again
Alone
No friends
Fat
No talent
Always scared
Hated for being different
Snippets of their comments float to the surface
"You can't have everything"
"You are a reasonable girl, you know you'll never be famous"
Or worth anything?
I wonder....
"Spoiled little bitch" he said
Funny thing is I worked for it
All of it
None of the things have came easily to me
Or were handed to me
But nobody sees it that way
They don't know me or my past
I am not practical
Well grounded
Reasonable
Or any of the things they think I am
I am a dreamer
Artist
Song writer
Poet
Singer
All the things the world would collapse without
Yet refuse to value today
They value us when it is too late
Maybe if I hadn't tried so hard I would not fear losing it all.
I love this post. I feel like some people do wait for us to fail, and sometimes we make mistakes. I have made so many mistakes it makes my head spin like a top.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing wonderful, and at least your friends aren't waiting for you to fail and neither is your family. We are all here to support you.
And if you do fail, good, it will be a learning lesson. You can always pick yourself up in order to succeed again.
Right now we have age on our side, and a lifetime of memories to make. And if we fall down, we have time to get back up and try again.
“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
― Thomas Edison
I miss you <3
ReplyDeleteI love you Sarah. Great writing. I really know how you feel. This post really spoke to me. Thank you. I agree with Ashley also. You must know you are so freaking amazing. Truly. I am proud to call you my sister. Your art and words and music SHINE.
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